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Survivor Blues & Smackdown!
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The New Project
The New Project
Author: MeB (aka XanWill4Ever-Michael B)
Email: lenoxfiles@hotmail.com
Spoiler: No major spoiling.
Summary: A major operation is about to unfold unlike any other before.
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy tVS are the property of
Joss. The other characters aren't mine, either...but I enjoy playing with them.
Rating - PG-13 SL
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The Conference Room was huge with a big table that could seat fifty people. At the moment, there were only four men in the room. One man wearing glasses, sporting a beard and short brown hair was sitting at the table drinking coffee. His name was MeB. Meb was also jotting things down into a notebook.
Three men were standing along a wall where the wall contained television sets for viewing the New Project. On one of the tv sets, there was a view of an island somewhere out in the deep.
This island was the topic of a very heated discussion.
"No, no, no! You don't seem to understand that what you are proposing to do, Mr. Probst, should be against the law and, therefore, you should be thrown into the deepest, darkest prison known to mankind just for coming up with a crazy proposition like this." The man shook his head. "I swear to Christ, I don't know where you people come from but you send anyone to this island for Survivor II, you might as well dig them up graves to bury them in when they return." Suddenly, he waved an irritated hand in the air. "No! Scratch that. You won't be able to dig up any goddamn graves because there won't be any bodies. There-there are never any bodies. That's because the bodies are completely devoured. Swallowed up. Gone." He snapped his fingers. "Just like that." He pointed at Probst. "But you don't care about that, do you? All you and Dr. Hammond here want is that-that goddamn all mighty dollar. It's merchandising and-and what new products you can sell...but's it's never really about the people who's lives you put in danger. Is it?"
"I think you're over-reacting, Mr. Goldblum," Jeff Probst told him.
The man scowled. "No. No, Mr. Probst. I am not over-reacting. And my name isn't Goldblum. It's Malcolm. Ian Malcolm. And this whole thing is a gigantic mess. You're going to send 18 new survivors to this island, and guess what? None of them will survive."
"Ian, please!" the third man protested. He was older and he was using a cane to lean against.
Malcolm took a deep breath and looked at him. "How could you allow this, John? This is nuts! This is plain psycho-academy winning stuff that you're dealing with here." He pointed at the island on the tv. "Stop sending people to this place! Haven't you learned anything from the last three times?"
Probst shook his head. "There's no danger--"
Malcolm held up a hand. "Oh. Here it comes. How many times have I heard this? 'There's no danger.' 'The animals stay in their own territory.' And my personal favorite, 'We're only going to take a look.' And all of that leads up to the running, the screaming, and then the getting swallowed by Mr. T-Rex, or Mr. T-Rex' neighbors, the Raptors. Yes, Mr. Probst. It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye while the rest of him gets swallowed up whole." He looked Probst in the eye. "This idea of yours is the worst idea in a very long, sad history of bad ideas. And I'm going to be there when you learn that."
"Look, the people going to this island are not your typical people. They're different."
"Like how different? 'Superman' different? Because unless you're built like the man of steel, anyone going to Isla Nublar is going to be eaten."
Dr. John Hammond squeezed Malcolm's arm reassuringly. "Ian, my boy. You really need to stop fussing at Jeff. He knows what he's doing."
Malcolm shook his head. "Oh, they all know what they're doing. Yes, John. I know." He looked at Probst. "Who are the poor suckers you've conned to go to this island for your Survivor II?"
"Some are due to arrive at any minute," Probst told him. "We're still looking for some others. We need twelve more."
"How soon do you need them?"
"No later than the first week of September."
Malcolm nodded. "So they have that long to spend the rest of their lives."
Probst shook his head. "They're not going to die. We have skilled hunters in place to keep the serious trouble at bay."
"Oh, you don't know serious trouble." He pointed at MeB who hasn't said a word. "What's his story?"
Probst glanced over at MeB. "He's coordinating everything."
"So he's behind the madness, too."
At that moment, the door opened and a guide led in a young girl who entered shyly. After the young girl was in the room, the guide closed the door.
Malcolm looked at the girl with long red hair and green eyes and he then looked at Probst. "What is that sweet, innocent kid doing here?"
"That is Willow Rosenberg." Probst smiled at the young girl. "Hi, Willow. We're glad you could make it."
"Uh, thanks," Willow said with hesitation as she looked around. "A-am I really going to be on Survivor? Uh, there w-won't be any spiders, will there?"
Malcolm let out a sigh. "Oh, don't you worry about spiders. Where you're going, spiders won't be a problem."
Willow looked at him warily. "Oh."
Probst waved her to the table. "Please, take a seat."
Willow smiled and she took a seat beside MeB.
MeB looked at her. He thought, Ohmigod, she sat next to me!
"Willow..." Malcolm looked at Probst. "Willow is special, how? What powers does this little girl have to help her on the island?"
Probst regarded him. "She's smart. She's a computer genius. This Willow is from Season One of Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Willow heard that. "Uh, I-I'm from what?"
Probst smiled. "Well, you see, there is a network that exists in a different realm of existence, Willow. One of the shows that's popular there is Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. And the new Survivor. What you go through in life with Buffy Summers and the rest of your friends is actually a big hit on the network I referred to."
"Y-you mean...I'm on TV in this other realm, like-like Alyson Hannigan is on TV here?"
"Yes."
"Uh, if-if I'm on Survivor, who's going with me?"
As if on que, the door opened, and in walked Faith. She took one look at Willow and stopped. "Whoa. What happened to you, Red?" She looked Willow over. "Long hair. You seem younger than when I tried to kill you. Damn, girl. Are you messing with anti-aging magic's?" She smiled. "Share, girlfriend."
Willow looked at Faith with a puzzled look on her face. "Uh, do I know you?"
Now Faith looked puzzled. "You...you don't know who I am?"
"Y-you tried to kill me?"
Probst called their attention. "Ladies. If you please...we have more guests."
Willow and Faith looked to see who had just entered the Conference Room. Faith stared in wide-eyed wonder and then she ran and tackled a tall man who had just walked in. She tackled him so hard, they almost fell.
But the ex-Mayor of Sunnydale, Richard Wilkins, simply laughed and wrapped his arms around Faith. "There's my girl!" he exclaimed. "Oh, it is good to see you again, Faith."
Faith bounced on her feet as she looked up at Wilkins. "I...I can't fucking believe this!"
"Now, Faith..." Wilkins shook his head at her, but there was a touch of an affectionate smile on his face for her. "You know how I am about such language. And from a lady like yourself. Tsk, tsk."
Faith actually blushed. "Sorry. Old habits kind of die hard."
"People are like old habits," growled a voice from behind them. "They should die. And if they don't, I'll kill them."
Everyone turned to look.
It was Angelus. Not Angel. But Angelus. He was with a woman who had met him in the hall. That woman was none other than Lilah Morgan. This was the side of Angel she wanted for the Firm she worked for. But that was another story.
"Everyone take a seat." Probst pointed at Angelus. "And need I remind you that you are all under a truce while here and while on the island. This truce cannot be broken."
Angelus looked over at Willow. "Damn. You really know how to spoil my fun. I'm kind of...hungry for something small." He winked at her.
Willow shrank into her seat.
Then the door opened once again.
All eyes turned to see who this Survivor was going to be. They saw Xander Harris.
This Xander stood there watching everyone. He stood tall and his eyes took in everything. Four people suddenly walked in from behind him, but they spread out as if they were on the prowl for the one who lead them. The four were Kyle, Tor, Rhonda, and Heidi, and with Xander...they were the Pack.
"Xander," Probst said, "take a seat."
Xander did. His lackey's remained standing. Xander sat across from Willow and looked at her as if she were dinner. Willow didn't like the way he was looking at her, but then again...he was looking at her, so that was something, wasn't it? She paused in thought. Yeah, she did like it. She frowned again.
"Damn, Xander," Faith began as she looked him over, "where'd you get all the testerone?"
Xander turned his head to regard her. "What do you mean?" he asked casually.
"Well, you seem like Mr. Tough Guy. I mean, you've even got the look. Damn. What have you been doing?"
"H-he's been possessed by a hyena," Willow told her.
"Come again?"
Willow turned to look at her. "Xander was possessed by a spirit of a hyena. So were his four new friends. I-it's a long story, but it ends happily. Sort of." She regarded Xander carefully. "I-it still would have been nicer for you to be possessed by puppies...or-or baby ducks."
Xander shook his head. "Poor little Willow. You're just too sweet." He smiled. "It's a good thing we have a truce, otherwise, I'd jump over this table and--"
Malcolm had enough. "All right! Just stop it with the threats and innuendo's! What is wrong with you people?" He indicated Willow as he looked at Probst, Meb, and Hammond. "You people are throwing this poor defenseless girl to the wolves. And what's worst, you're dropping her off in the middle of a park that had no right to be created."
"Wait a minute..." Angelus looked at Malcolm as if he hadn't heard correctly. "I thought the challenge was on an island. What's this crap about a park?"
"Oh. I see. You weren't told." Malcolm looked accusingly at Probst. "Was that an oversight?"
"The park?" Angelus pressed.
Malcolm looked at Angelus. "The park is the next site for Survivor II. We know it as Isla Nublar, but it does have another name." He paused for affect. "Jurassic Park."
Everyone stared at him.
"Really?" Wilkins finally said. Then he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Now this could get very interesting."
"That's one way of putting it." Malcolm indicated the survivors in the room. "In this very room, we have 10 people who are going on the island. 10 survivors, waiting for 8 more to show up for the smorgishborg fiesta on Isla Nublar this September."
Probst shook his head. "Dr. Malcolm...we're waiting for 12 more to show. Not 8."
Malcolm counted the Survivors in the room. "What the hell are you talking about? You have 10 people in this room as Survivors. You only need 8 to make 18. Do the math. The math doesn't lie."
"Kyle, Tor, Rhonda, and Heidi do not count. They're with Xander and they're called the Pack. Xander leads them, and should he get voted off, then they all get voted off."
"And if Xander gets eaten by a T-Rex, they all get eaten by said T-Rex." Malcolm shook his head. "Are you making these damned rules up as you go along?"
"This is a different kind of Survivor."
Malcolm pointed at him. "This is madness." He turned to the Survivors at the table. "I implore you, leave while you still can."
"We're going to the island," Xander told him. "Why don't you come with us?"
Malcolm hesitated. Finally, he looked at Willow. "All right." He straightened, and he turned to look at Probst. "If I remember how the game is, it starts with two groups, right? Two different tribes. So I will go with one of those tribes and I will get another specialist to go with the other tribe. We will act as guides and we will be permanently imbued with immunity. We aren't in this to play the game, but to guide them."
"There are no guides in Survivor," Probst replied.
Malcolm shook his head. "Now wait a minute, Mr. Prost. You yourself said that these were different circumstances for survival than your 'human' show of the Outback or Africa. This Isla Nublar is far more dangerous than any place on earth to do this kind of thing. They are going to need guides and I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist that they do." He paused for effect. "I will not endorse this idea without that agreement."
Probst thought about it. "Who is the other guide?"
"Dr. Alan Grant."
Hammond's face lit up. "Ian! That's a splendid idea."
Malcolm looked at Probst. "Do we have a deal?"
Probst nodded. "We do."
"So...I can't wait to see who the other lunatics are that have signed up for this." Malcolm looked at Willow. "Don't you worry about a thing, sweetheart. I'm going to see you get through this."
Probst turned to Meb. "Meb...did you send out an email for additional requests as to who our viewers would want to see on Survivor II?"
Meb nodded. "Actually, they will see it in this. We have to point out that it can't be anyone from the first Survivor. Willow and Xander here are from Season 1, so that is exceptable because the first Survivor had a Willow and Xander from a later season. The same with Angelus. He's cleared because in the first Survivor, it's Angelus. The Pack actually throws a new twist on things. And we haven't seen Faith, Mayor Wilkins, or Lilah in the first Survivor."
"Wasn't a request made for Sweet to be in Survivor?"
"Well...he won't actually be a Survivor but he is in charge of the musical score on Survivor II." Meb paused for affect. "We only need 12 more Survivors. Let's hope we see a response after this is sent out."
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Survivor II
Isla Nublar-otherwise known as "Jurassic Park" the first island.
The Guides:
Ian Malcolm
Alan Grant
Musical Score by Sweet
The Survivors (6 so far):
Angelus
Faith
Lilah Morgan
Mayor Richard Wilkins
The Pack-Xander Harris, Kyle, Tor, Rhonda, and Heidi (counted as 1)
Willow Rosenberg (Buffy-Season One)
Need 12 more Survivors not from Survivor 1. Who would you like to add?
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SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES
Author: MeB
Email: lenoxfiles@hotmail.com
Spoiler: No major spoiling.
Summary: Entering into the middle of the Survivor series comes a catastrophe
so devastating, only one hope is left...The readers from the list.
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy tVS are the property of
Joss. Survivor still belongs to Mark W. I am just borrowing it for a
spell. The names of the friends on this list belong to them. I am also
borrowing them. Hope you don't mind. The Cable Guy is not mine.
Rating - PG-13
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SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES
John Gage, Paremedic...wearing blue coveralls with a drill in a holster on
one hip and a rolled cable clipped on a loop on his other hip. Speaks with
a lisp. "Oh, man! This is the worst dilemma I have ever seen in my life!!"
Jeff Probst looks up from his desk, clearly agitated. "What?! Who the hell
are you?" He taps the intercom on his desk. "Security! Get up here on the
double." He rises to his feet and faces the intruder. "How did you get in
here? This is a secure location."
"Security is for the insecure, Jeff. And right now, I know you're feeling
really insecure. That's why I came. I came to help you, Jeff...before it's
too late."
"What are you talking about?"
"The Survivors on the island, Jeff. Something's wrong and you have to help
them."
Probst blinked at him. He looked at the monitors on the wall and watched
closely. On one monitor, Spike walked up to Giles who was lying on the
beach, and he kicked sand in his face.
"Always wanted to do that to the ole' git," he said with a chuckle as Giles
jumped to his feet.
On another screen, Angel and Buffy were sitting on the beach, gazing at each
other...They were lost in their own thoughts.
On another screen, Fred and Anya were sitting on a log as they looked up at
a pacing, irate Willow who was throwing her hands up into the air. "They
voted off Tara! Tara! C-can you believe this? I mean, sweet Tara...my
baby. How could they do this?" She pointed at her unwilling audience.
"I'm going to make it to the merge, and then...then I'll find out who was
behind it. Who was responsible for voting off Tara...I'll find
out...Someone's gonna get it fer sure, I'm so mad."
On another screen, Wesley was snoring soundly, a crab sitting right on his
face.
And on another screen, Xander was working on keeping the fire going while he
muttered to himself, "I didn't vote off Tara. Willow has to believe me. It
wasn't me. It wasn't me...It was them!"
Behind him, Cordelia had her hands on her hips and she was glaring at
Jonathan. "What is your childhood trauma, Joe?"
Jonathan frowned. "M-my name is Jonathan. Not Joe."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Like that's my fault or something because your
name is Jane. I'm not your mother." She started to walk away.
Jonathan looked after her. Then he squared his shoulders and shouted,
"Oh...Oh yeah? Well...what's your childhood trauma?!"
Probst kept watching the screens and finally, he looked at John Gage. "I
see nothing amiss."
"'I ssee nothing amisss,'" he repeated. "Oh, man, Jeff. You are so blind,
you couldn't see somebody else's nose if it was right in front of ya." He
shook his head. "Don't you get it? The problem isn't there. It's not on
the island, ya goober. It's on...that!!" He pointed at Probst's computer.
"It's on that Fan/Fic list. I'm sure you know all about that...don't'cha,
Jeffie?"
Probst looked at him knowingly.
Gage nodded. "Yeah. I thought you did. You know all about those crazy
writers out there. If they're not trying to spoil the Spoilers than they're
trying to vote the Voters. Gotta watch out for that MeB guy. He's the
worst one...and that friend of his, Mark W. Oh, yeah...I see the knowing
look in your eyes, baby. I'm on to you like flies on the doggy doodoo."
"I still don't see what you're getting at here."
"You wanted votes for your last Survivor installment...well, you got 'em,
didn'tcha?" He put his face close to Probst's menacingly. "DIDN'TCHA?!"
Probst involuntarily stepped back. "Yes. I did."
"But your votes are a dilemma...You got 7 votes. Only one of those votes
went to one person...but the other votes, Jeff?" He looked at him.
Probst sighed. "It's...it's a three way tie."
"Three way tie...Let's do the math, Jeffie, 'k? That means three of your
survivors have two points. And you need votes to break the ties."
Probst nodded. "This is true. We need more votes."
Gage looked at the computer. He dove into the computer and laughed. "I'll
be back! Because I'm the CABLE GUY!!"
Probst stared at his screen. "Where are you going?"
"You can thank Mark W, Sorcha, lennex69, Imp812, Marya B, Ionntlas, and
Samantha for their votes...but without more votes...you're doomed, Jeffie."
He looked out from the screen, his eyes red. "I'll get those votes to come
in."
He laughed like a maniac.
Probst turned off his computer.
________________________
THE END...?
SURVIVOR VOTES BLUES-The Sequel
Probst stepped back from his desk, having just turned off his computer when
suddenly, it turned itself on. The computer began to shake, and then the
shaking took control of the desk. Probst took several steps back...staring
in amazement.
"What the...?"
Then he saw it.
A head pulled itself from the screen. A maniac-like grin was pasted on its
face and its eyes glowed bright red. Its hands reached out and grabbed the
edge of the desk. It pulled itself out with a "AAaaargggh!
Errrrrrhhhhhhnnnnnnn! Iiiiiioooooooouuussss!"
Then...it was free.
The familiar blue coveralls and the drill on one hip, the cable on the
other, made Probst realize who it was.
"Oh...it's you." He rolled his eyes. "The Cable guy."
The Cable Guy turned to leer at him. "That's right, little Jeffie. But you
can call me...Will Robinson."
"Don't you have a real name?"
"I have many names, Jeffie. And all of them are as real to me as the sun
that shines upon the flowers of nature." He handed him a slip of computer
printout paper. "Here it is, buddy boy. Take it."
Probst took it. "And this is?"
"The vote you were looking for."
He looked at the paper. "This is it then. The deciding vote from Cori.
And she has voted for--"
Suddenly, the Cable Guy slapped duct tape on his mouth. "Oh, I just knew it
was too good to be true!! I thought you weren't gonna be like the others
but I was wrong!"
"Mmmpppphhhhtt?"
"You want to spoil it for everyone, just like the others! Even now, they're
talking about Spike in Africa or Lousiana, or whatever! But the point is
it has to end!"
Probst ripped the tape off from his mouth. "You have some serious issues,
don't you?"
The Cable Guy looked at him seriously. "Actually, I do subscribe to quite a
few popular ssubsscriptions like Time Life Magazine, Nickelodeon, and the
Amazing Spider-Man. You're right, Jeffie. I do have ssome sserious
issues." He got into his face. "But this isn't about me, iss it? IS IT?"
Probst didn't respond.
"Just don't spoil it for the others, man. So what, you have your deciding
vote, but that's all it is. You can't tell us now who that vote is for.
You just can't." He looked at him with a pleading look. "Just send the
next installment."
He nodded. "It will be sent, but I'm not the sender."
The Cable Guy sneered. "No, of course not. You're only a pawn in this to
be used by the list, just like I am. It's that darn Meb guy who's the
sender. Who does he think he is? Vic Mackee?" He pointed at Probst.
"Well, I'm fighting him, Jeffie poo. You should, too. In fact, I'm taking
on the whole darned list and I'm kicking some serious butts!"
"That's interesting, but if you don't mind...I've got a show to do."
"All riiiiiighty then, poopypants. But I'm watching you very closely." He
paused for affect. "I think you're gonna see that the next installment of
Survivor isn't gonna be what you expect."
Probst looked at him. "A warning?"
"Like the weather."
Probst looked puzzled. Then he shook his head. "Look. I don't care what
happens next, just as long as you don't show up and ruin anything. Don't go
anywhere near that island."
"Wouldn't dream of it," the Cable Guy said as he began to climb back into
the computer. "It's the wrong island anyway. Couldn't find Ginger or
Maryann and sso it's just no fun without them!"
After he was back in the computer, Probst turned it off. And as an after
thought, he unplugged it.
______________________
THE END...?
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SMACKDOWN!
SMACKDOWN
Author: MeB (aka XanWill4Ever-Michael B)
Email: lenoxfiles@hotmail.com
Spoiler: None.
Summary: The Sole Survivor is about to be revealed.
Disclaimer: All characters of Buffy tVS are the property of
Joss. Any characters from WWF or WWE are not mine. Any characters making appearances are not mine. They all got lost and wound up here. Lyrics of "Enter Sandman" belong to Metallica.
Rating - PG-13
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Voice over PA system: "Welcome to the biggest event of the year! SFA/Fanfiction presents Survivor 2002! In association with Smackdown! The place is packed with screaming fans! The viewers at home are at their computers! This is what everyone has been waiting for. The event is about to happen, ladies and gentlemen! The Sole Survivor is about to be REVEALED!!"
Camera pans out over auditorium: View of screaming fans. View of the ring in the center of the stadium. View of two balcony's separated. One balcony is holding Survivors. Seated is...
Buffy
Giles
Willow
Xander
Wesley
Tara
Anya
Cordelia
Riley
Jonathan
Fred
Druscilla
Camera pans out over the second balcony: Seated there are the new Survivors for Survivor II, chosen by members of the SFA!
(The names of the two new Tribes are not yet named.)
Seated on one side of the balcony are the Villains of one of the two tribes...
The Master, Heinrich Joseph Nest
Lilah Morgan
Angelus (Season II-Buffy)
Mayor Richard Wilkins III
Zachary Kralik (Helpless)
Principal Snyder
Dr. Alan Grant sits with them.
Three of the members of the Tribe are not seated as of yet.
On the other side, the second tribe of Survivor II are seated, with two members missing.
Oz (After Season 4-Buffy)
Jenny Calendar (Resurrected for Survivor II)
Kendra, the Vampire Slayer (Resurrected for Survivor II)
"Nothin' is better than Wood!" Sid (Resurrected Puppet for Survivor II)
Allen Francis Doyle
Spike (WITH his Soul)
Dawn
Dr. Ian Malcolm sits with them. He shakes his head at the madness of it all.
Camera pans over to two announcers, holding microphones. One is huge and muscular. He wears a sleeveless black shirt. On the front of this shirt, it says in bold white letters, "We'll Bring The Whuppin'!" On the back of his shirt, also in bold white print, "You Bring The Ass!" The other announcer has short black hair, he is wearing a blue coverall, with a drill on one hip and a cable at the other. He speaks with a lisp.
First Announcer: The Rock welcomes all you brave souls out there who have dared to come to the biggest event in history. The Rock knows what he is talking about! You have NOT seen anything like what is happening here today! Isn't that so, CG?
Second Announcer: I hear what you are sshaying, my huge friend. For I, Howard Cosshell, am right there besshide you, and I am here today to make damned shure that no shpoilerssh shlip by for Shurvivor II! That'sh right, my mosht adoring fansh! I have made myshelf available for thish wonderful event! And let me shay that we have quite a shhow for you!
The Rock: The Rock hears you, Mr. Cosshell, I--
CG: No, no, my feeble-minded mushcular tough guy. It,sh not 'Cosshell'. It'sh shimply...Cosshell.
The Rock: That is exactly what The Rock has said. Mr. ...Cosshell.
CG: Shee, now...I think you're making fun of my lishp, Mr. RockMan. The name is C-O-S-S-E-L-L. That clearly shpellsh Cosshell. There'sh no reashon for you to mock me, man. That jusht ain't right!
The Rock: Mr, Cossell...Whatever your real name is, The Rock says that you are spelling Howard's name wrong. In any event, to avoid further complications in this event, The Rock will simply call you...(puts mike right up to mouth, exclaims) CABLE GUY!
CG: Shee, now, now you're taking my name, and that jusht ishn't niche!
The Rock: CG, The Rock reminds you that we have a show to put on today. Look what The Rock sees in the ring!
Camera pans out to the ring: Xander and the Pack (of the Villain's tribe) are in the ring. A drum set is there and Heidi is beginning to beat out a drum tune as Tor, Kyle, and Rhonda take up other instruments. Xander is before them with a microphone. The Pack begin to play a heavy metal rock tune. On a big screen above the auditorium, scenes from Survivor play by, interjected with scenes from Jurassic Park and the Survivor II players. Suddenly, four large bird-like cages come down from the ceiling. In each one is a member of the new Survivors.
Willow (Season One-the Hero's tribe)-looks about nervously.
Buffy-Bot(the Hero's tribe) -not moving
Faith (the Villain's tribe)-shaking her thing to the music (yells to Willow): Just shake it, girl! You're on live!
Vamp Willow (the Villain's tribe) -also moving wildly to the beat.
Xander sings:
"Say your prayers little one
don't forget, my son
to include everyone!!
tuck you in,
warm within
keep you free from sin
till the sandman he comes"
Camera pans to Willow in cage. She is swaying her hands back and forth, her head, and her hips. She is looking at Faith across from her and realizes that she is not moving like Faith is. Faith is dancing as wildly as Vamp Willow. Their hair is all over the place, moving with them. Buffy-Bot is not moving. She remains expressionless.
Xander sings:
"sleep with one eye open
gripping your pillow tight
exit light
enter night
take my hand
off to never never land"
The music heats up and Buffy-Bot begins to move now. She has taken in the moves of the others, processed it, and now she dances as wildly as Faith and Vamp Willow. Willow tries to dance like them. She stops swaying from side to side. She throws arms up and down and swings her head and hips. She smiles but she is also getting dizzy.
Xander:
"something's wrong, shut the light
heavy thoughts tonight
and they aren't of snow white
dreams of war, dreams of liars
dreams of dragon's fire
and of things that will bite"
On the big screen, image of Angel morphing into Vampire.
Xander:
"sleep with one eye open
gripping your pillow tight
exit light
enter night
take my hand
off to never never land"
Camera on big screen. Scene of T-Rex opening it's jaws to roar as it is face to face with a very pale Faith in a tree.
Xander (with Willow softly repeating in the background through headpiece she is wearing):
"now I lay me down to sleep
pray the lord my soul to keep
if I die before I wake
pray the lord my soul to take"
Just Xander:
hush little baby, don't say a word
and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed,
in your closet, in your head
exit light
enter night
grain of sand
exit light
enter night
take my hand
we're off to never never land
The song ends. The crowds cheer. The lights flash. The cages move up to the ceiling where the dancing girls are released from their cages and they move to their respective tribes. Xander and the Pack join their tribe. (Note of intererst. Almost seconds after I typed the last words of the lyrics to "Enter Sandman" it plays on the radio! Is that weird or what?!)
The Rock: Outstanding performance!
CG: Shure, outshtanding! But did they have Metallica'sh permisshion. Huh? What about that?
The Rock: You squeal like a little girl, do you know that?
CG: Are you challenging me?
The Rock: The Rock doesn't see the Cable Guy as a challenge, but The Rock says if the Cable Guy wants to see what The Rock can do, then You (he points at CG's chest) bring the ass, and The Rock will bring the whuppin'!
CG: Oh, man, you want a pieche of me? (Tosses down mike and jumps on the Rock.)
Camera pans to the fight. The Rock is holding The Cable Guy over his head. Carry's him up to ring and tosses him into it. He climbs in just as CG goes into some kind of funky fighting stance. Crowd goes wild. The Rock moves toward CG but suddenly, something small grabs his ankle.
The Crowd is estatic. It is MiniMe and the little bald guy is biting The Rocks ankle! "What the f--?!" the Rock is heard exclaiming as he reaches down and picks up MiniMe. He holds him at arms length and the little guy is running in place...'cause he can't really run anywhere held above the ring.
Voice: Put MiniMe down, please.
Camera pans to walkway inbetween sections of seats. A bald man in a grey suit walks toward the ring. Crowds again go wild. The man reaches the ring and he climbs in. He is holding mike and as he looks at The Rock, CG, and MiniMe, he waves for the crowds to hush.
Silence.
Baldman: Allow myself to introduce...myself. I...am Dr. Evil. (Puts his pinky to the corner of his mouth and smiles evilly.)
The Rock: Who the hell is Dr. Evil? The Rock knows no Dr. Evil or...MiniMe. (Holds up Minime for close inspection. Minime tries to bite his nose.)
CG: Oh, thish is too muchh! Now MeB is trying to bring in other clownsh! What is thish madnessh! It hash to end!
Dr. Evil: Now don't get your panties in a bunch, Cable Guy. I speak from personal experience when I say to you that...I know how uncomfortable that can get. (Looks guilty as he realizes what he said. Clears throat. Stand tall) I make an appearance here today for only two reasons. I am here to promote my new movie...The Return of The Evil.
The Rock: You mean, Austin Powers, Goldmember.
Dr. Evil: Actually, that is a misprint. The first movie was not Austin Powers, International Man Of Mystery, but it was actually entitled....Evil Wars. Then there was the misprint with Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. That was supposed to be...The Evil Strikes Back. Which brings us to...The Return of The Evil. But...I am willing to overlook a few errors as long as they pay me...(puts pinky to mouth) One Million dollars!!
The crowds laugh. CG and The Rock laugh. Even MiniMe laughs.
Dr. Evil (correcting himself): One Hundred Billion Dollars!
Gasps throughout the auditorium.
The Rock: What is your second reason for interrupting. The Rock wants to know!
Dr. Evil (looks up toward balcony where Survivor II sits): I want to say hello to my son. (Waves at Oz.) Hello. Scott. Scott! Will you look at me please. It's your father. Scott, why are you ignoring me? Can't we make this right? Somehow?
Oz (looking at his friends in confusion. Looks down from balcany as he is given a mike): Are you talking to me?
Dr. Evil: Well, of course, I am. You are my son, Scott. Come down here and give your old man a hug. (holds arms open and looks affectionately up at Oz.)
Oz: You're one crazy bastard. My name is Daniel Osbourne. I'm not Scott.
Dr. Evil: Changing your name doesn't change who you are. Now get down here! Don't make me frickin' come after you. I'll climb up there.
The Rock is still holding MiniMe. MiniMe is looking up toward Oz and he makes his hands claw at the air toward him.
Oz: You're crazy.
The Rock: We need security!
Security men rush to the stage and they drag off Dr. Evil and MiniMe.
Dr. Evil: I'll be back! (puts pinky to mouth and laughs. MiniMe mimicks and they are taken away.)
Suddenly the crowd cheers as the camera pans to another aisle. Coming down the aisle is Jeff Probst. Behind him is Angel and Spike.
The Rock: (holding mike up to mouth in the ring with his arm around CG): Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?!
CG: Damn, I can shmell shomething! Did you shhower today?
Probst, Angel, and Spike enter the ring.
The Rock hands the mike to Probst.
Probst waits for the crowds to silence.
Probst: I'm just going to get right to the point. You've all been patient with me. And I know you want to know who the Sole Survivor is.
Cheers.
Probst: The vote is from you, the fans. You have chosen the Sole Survivor. I remind you that it is because of you, we have the winner. I also make one request. If you can come up with a name for the new tribes, the Hero's...led by Dr. Ian Malcolm...
Willow
Kendra
Buffy-Bot
Oz
Jenny Calendar
Allen Frances Doyle
Spike, with his Soul
Dawn
and Sid
And a name for our Villains...led by Dr. Alan Grant...
The Master, Heinrich Joseph Nest
Vamp Willow
Lilah Morgan
Angelus
Faith
Mayor Richard Wilkins III
Zachary Kralik
Xander and the Pack
and Principal Snyder
...it would be greatly appreciated. As you know, the Survivors of Survivor II will be dropped off at Isla Nublar, the first site of Jurassic Park. This will be the most challenging environment known to any survival show ever put together. I hope before the first week of September, you will email me your names for the Here and Villain tribes. Now...on to the Sole Survivor."
Camera pans on the faces of Spike and Angel.
Probst (opens the final vote): The Sole Survivor is....Spike!
The crowds go wild.
Sweet and his band of demons play the theme song of Survivor.
****
Spike received 7 more votes than Angel did.
Thank you for playing.
I hope you have had as much fun as I did. I hope Survivor II is even more fun. Coming soon.
In the background, a T-Rex roars. Raptors run through the parking lot of the auditorium. The auditorium's wall caves in as a T-Rex enters.
Dr. Ian Malcolm (glancing at the Hero tribe he is to guide on the island): I want you to remember that the word you are about to hear me say is the word I will say to you a lot on the island. I want you to get used to this word.
T-Res roars as his head is level with the balcony.
Malcolm: Run!!
They ran.
T-Rex jaws clamp onto balcony and rips it from wall. It crashes down. The auditoium is now empty except for T-Res who looks about, opens mouth and roars in fury.
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